My precious husband of 22 years, Cliff, died of undiagnosed depression on October 25, 2005. He took his own life leaving me to raise our three daughters alone. Briana (13), Desirae (11), Maddie (8) and I experienced the most excruciating loss of a wonderful father and husband. My life seemed to come to a screeching halt in one terrifying moment. I don’t remember feeling anything but intense pain in the days that followed.
A few weeks after the funeral, alone in my room after the girls were asleep, I cried my heart out to God. I told Him that my heart was broken and bleeding. I was so lonely for Cliff. I was afraid and could not see two minutes in front of me. I begged God to fill my broken heart. He did that. He held my heart in His hand so gently. He led me very deeply through the valley of the shadow of death. Even though I often stumbled, He did not let me fall.
A verse that God continually brought to my heart is II Peter 1:6 and 7:
“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith, of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire, may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
My girls and I have experienced so many difficult days without Cliff. We miss him every single day. However, we have experienced incredible grace as we continue through this journey of grief.
Two years ago I remarried. Todd is a widower and together we are raising our five blended teenagers. This is another incredible journey in which we feel God’s grace and love.
Since that day in 2005 when I learned of Cliff’s death, I have felt taken care of by my God. I know that He has held me tightly and loves me dearly.
I begged God to fill my broken heart. He did that. He held my heart in His hand so gently.